Never Ending Journey Part 8

Well today I had my first meeting with Mi Familia (DSS). Their ways of thinking and mine are no where near  on the same page. I agree with many things they say yet I totally disagree with MOST.

First I praise God for the opportunity to fight for Karen. I could easily take another child and move on but for what ever reason for this time I am to fight for her.

They decided to reopen my case. They closed it in March and considered it done. This is a far occurrence.  They made it clear to me this does not happen often but do to the circumstances and due to the fact I am persistent in adopting her they feel it is necessary to reopen this case.

They feel that at this time she has been completely brain washed and needs time to heal. She needs counseling to ensure that she is mentally capable of making the best decision. They have decided to have a physiologist examine her over a course of a undetermined amount of times and after that evaluation then and only then will they talk to her about being adopted.

They have ask me to not talk or see her during this time. I understand why but this is hard because she thinks I will be back to see her soon and if I can't tell her what is going on what will she think of me. Pray I can communicate with her another way to let her know what is going on. I don't want her to think I got mad at her and just left her without saying anything.

Once the evaluation is over then the DSS folks will go and visit her and ask her about the adoption. They have told me they will explain everything to her and give her a chance to decide. I still disagree with this because again as I have stated she has not spent any time with me and needs that time to decide but they don't think that matters.

They have told me that if she decides not to be adopted that they will offer the woman that has her to adopt her and if she says no they will remove her from the home immediately. The Director was furious with my case worker that she had not been removed already. She told her she should have never been placed in the home to begin with. That's exactly what I told them 2 years ago.

The Director told me it will take a month but the case worker told me at least 6 months. I can't live here 6 months waiting and then another 3 to 4 to foster. It's just not realistic so I will be coming home soon without her for now. My lawyer told me to come back in December like I normally do and by then I should get better news.

I said I was not leaving her without her thinking I would get a "NO" but instead I got neither a "NO" or a "YES" so now it is hard to know exactly what to do at this point. Wait for the month and hope it is a month or come home without her and wait for the 6 months. Hopefully God will show me what direction to go soon.

Please pray for wisdom.

Tonight the person who got me the connection to the minister is coming to talk to me. She was suppose to meet with the minister today so I am hoping he has some behind the scenes news for me that will help me know what to do.

I am grateful the case has been re-opened. This is a huge start but the rest I was told stinks.. :)

My faith is in the Lord and the Lord only. His timing is perfect and I know thatI will bring Karen home, when is the million dollar question.

Please continue to pray as this is not even close to being over yet.

Thanks for your support.

Angie

Never Ending Journey Part 7

I was able to go on Saturday to see Karen. I also lived in the community of Ceibita. This was an experience all by itself. I arrived in the community around 4 and found myself in the middle of a horrible storm. The thunder and lightening and rain was unlike I had ever seen.

After the rain we decided to drop in on Karen. The woman Ana who she lives with can be difficult so I thought it would be easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. We were only like 5 minutes from her house so I figured we could use that as an excuse.

We arrived and I could not believe my eyes. My little girl was no longer a little girl. She had grown a ton, gain a lot of weight and developed in every area. I am still amazed at how she changed in just months.

Within 5 minutes of me arriving Karen and I started talking about how things had been going and I asked about her "mom" Ubana. That's the lady that found her when she was little and the same lady that told her not to leave her or she would die.

Well guess what? She did die. Yep.. she died 10 days ago. They think it was from her sugar diabetes.

I have to say it was a really hard emotion for me. Part of me was sad for her death and the other part was jumping for joy. That was a huge obstacle in Karen's life. A negative one at that and was the only reason in March Karen did not agree to the adoption.

Now what you ask?  Well I don't know exactly.

We talked with Karen for a long time and was allowed to go back on Sunday morning for many hours. Karen is struggling with what to do. She is loves us but she is afraid of the unknown and with Ubana's death it is just too much right now to handle in her little head.

We agreed that it would be best to have some time to get to know each other and she agreed she would love to do that.

I am meeting with a lawyer to discuss how to proceed today at 4 your time. Please pray for wisdom.

Karen loves us and is excited to be around us but is scared of the unknown. She is just a kid and like any other child is unsure of the unknown. She had so much traumatic loses in her life, please pray for her heart. She seemed fine but that is just her way of dealing with things. She needs professional help but it may be impossible to get it.

I am not sure if this opens a huge door for me or makes it harder. Time will tell.

Please pray today that I have wisdom on the next steps to pursue. I was suppose to have a meeting with the Minister last week and that has yet to happen. Pray that it will soon.

I had an amazing experience in Ciebita. I lived like they do, got up at 4 every morning, took a bath like they do and hung out with the bugs like they do. I'm glad I did it but not sure I'll do it again.

I have not had a chance to post my pictures on the website but I did on Facebook. You should be able to see them without a Facebook account.

Click here to see photos of Karen and I playing.

Click here to see photos of me in Ceibita.

Thanks so much for praying. Please don't stop. Especially now. I need to get Karen help and I am hoping the DSS folks will allow me to get her a counselor as soon as possible.

I am also a little sick. I didn't sleep for two days and eating food that is not the best to have has made my body scream.. I should be fine once I get back to a normal routine.

I'll update more when I have more to tell.

Angie

Never Ending Journey Part 5

This week has been a ruff week for me emotionally. I am not sure why it is any harder than other weeks but it has been more than I want to endure going forward. I was able to contact Homeland Security this week to ask about a time frame of when I could expect to hear something about my appointment for my fingerprints and I SHOULD HAVE NEVER CALLED...

When I have called in the past I have spoken to people who act like they are robots. They read scripts to me like they have no emotions but this time I got a really nice lady who actually cared about what I was saying.

She was not able to tell me why there was a delay in getting anything from them but was able to tell me that when I do it won't be pretty.

Apparently they are very behind in appointments in the Charlotte office and as of this past Monday there were no open appointments until July 15th... So even if they wanted to expedite my appointment time for me they can't unless they get a cancellation. She said she heard something had happen to the Charlotte office (power was out for two days this month..) and they had to reschedule several hundred people.

With that news needless to say I was not happy. Extremely frustrated is an understatement.

I have prayed and prayed trying to understand why there are more delays in this process only to come back to the point that God is in control and His timing is perfect. At this point there is not much else I can do, right?

So as of today it looks like I will not be leaving until the end of July now. This poses many many problems for us in September and October but I'll let God deal with that if those problems arise.

Please pray that I will find peace in this delay and find the purpose for it. I don't like it at all but I do trust God and I know He is in control of this. I can't say I have felt this way all week but through lots of prayers I am coming to that  peace God wants me to be at.

How can you pray now?

Pray that I will get as much work as I can before I leave. Through out new photography studio, my teaching  job, the computer work I am doing and any other avenue God sends my way. It will cost a lot to do this and we need all the money we can get.

Pray I won't allow these distractions to toss me to and fro.. I have been very strong until now and I can be honest and say I am wore out. I am walking by faith with one foot sinking if you know what I mean. Right now the only thing holding me up is the prayers of others. Keep praying.

Pray for Karen. She has not been allowed to talk to me since April. I have no idea what she is thinking. Her birthday is Tuesday and I am sending someone to her school with a cake and drinks and of course a letter from me explaining why she has not heard from me. She is being manipulated by the people she lives with and only God knows what they are telling her. She could decide that she does not want to be adopted by us and all this will be over with as soon as I get there. Pray for her protection She will be 12 on Tuesday and there are several young adult men living in her house.I only want God's will for her life, pray He shows puts that desire in her heart, even if that is not to be with us.

Pray Homeland Security gives me the appointment in God's timing and no weapon formed against it shall prosper. Nothing else will stop or delay this process. All will happen in God's timing. His perfect Will be done..

Thanks to everyone who has shown your support to me. I need it. I am tired, emotionally, physically and spiritually but I now that my strength is renewed daily and I hold onto the fact that there is nothing I can do except walk in His peace.  Much easier said than done.

No matter what... there is a rainbow after this storm. God's light will shine in our lives no matter what will happen.

I'll let you know what happens next when I know.

Angie

Never Ending Journey Part 3

It's been funny getting messages from you guys about me leaving you hanging. I can count on one hand the number of replies I have got in the last 7 years but not any more.. :) It's kind of been funny which has helped me deal with my stress. So I left you with the facts that now the DSS has denied us the right to adopt Karen who we have known for soon to be 8 years just because she is confused and afraid. I'd be confused and afraid too if I had some woman telling me I had to fly on a plane and learn English and never see my friends again I have never been out of a rural area before in my life, yes I would be scared to.

I have had many people question me on if this is not God closing the door then what is. Good question but when you are truly called to do something you know when God is closing the door and trust me, HE is Not closing this door yet. Will He, maybe, will He open more doors and get us past the next step, maybe. For now all I know is what he has shown me and Terry.  For example;

On the third day after we got the news (and remember I was a mess during those three days, wishing I had never heard of Nicaragua) I was just finally starting to come around. I knew in my heart something didn't seem right and once I got a hold of myself I started thinking a little more clearer. God used a great friend of mine to help me. Thanks Mary Green for being there for me that day. It was even her birthday but instead of me giving her a present she gave me one.

I was in Mooresville delivery pictures and decided to call Mary. I honestly had forgot it was her birthday because I was too consumed by my own issues. I told Mary that I was just not sure that God had closed this door and that I truly only wanted His will for Karen's life, even if that meant we would not get her and I didn't want to do anything that would change that path. I remember telling her that I didn't want to stick my foot in this door God is closing and pry it open for the sake of my own desires. I truly only want what God wants.

I went on to tell her that in December 2010 a friend of mine introduced me to an official of the government who just so happens to be the best friend of the highest ranking official at the DSS. She is called the Minister. After hearing that DSS had done nothing this friend, Mauricio, had told us he would put in a good word for us with the Minister to see if we could get some progress. Since December we had not spoken to him about his connection but I was thinking maybe this was the right time to use that contact.

At the very moment that I was pouring my heart out to Mary about this connection she was working on a bible study for her children's church class and had stopped typing at a very specific point. She was teaching on Ester. Let me remind you of this story. You see Ester was put in a specific place for a specific reason. It was always God's plan for her to have favor with the King. In Ester 4:14 Mordecai tells Ester that her favor she had with the King was for such a time as this. FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS.

Needless to say at that very moment I knew God was speaking to me through Mary. She was typing those exact words at the same time I said to her maybe this is the time I need to use this connection God has given me.  We both became very emotional and knew that God was speaking to us. I prayed all the way home asking God to show me what to do with this connection and I am still praying today. God told me that night that I can't pry open a door He has closed. Rev. 3: 7-9. If the door is shut then I can't open it so why not try. I can't fail.

There were so many little doors that opened for us that it just did not see normal that God would lead us along like a animal after a piece of meat only to shut the door in my face. I could be totally wrong on this but if I am so is my husband because Terry feels the same way. He loves Karen and has always felt a strong bond with her. God does not put that kind of love in your heart just because he can. He puts it there because of a purpose.

What now you are asking? Where do we go from here? Well after much prayer and many more little connections like the one with Mary we have decided to fight. We are going to appeal this answer and fight for Karen with all our might even if that means God says no down the road. One day when she is an adult I want to say to her that I did absolutely every thing within my power and my connections and that I felt God told me to do only because I love her with all my heart.

We have just completed our home study for the 3rd time over the course of the 4 years and we are waiting on it to be given to us. Once we get it we will send it to Homeland Security asking for an appointment to get our fingerprints done. As soon as they are done I will be free to leave the country and go and appeal this process. We are estimating mid to late June.

How will the appeal work? Not sure, doubt that anyone has ever done it. Not many Americans fight. Most just accept their answer and give up. I can't. I can't give up on this child of God until God tells me to give up. Terry is in complete agreement with this and will have to live without me for a very long time.

Once I leave I will first have to convince them to give me a chance to stay with her and show her our love for her and show her that it will be ok to leave her country and that Ubana won't die if she does. She could still say no and if that happens I think at least I will have closer in my heart.  I will know I did everything. That's a big maybe. It will take me going to the Minister and fighting for this chance. We are asking them to allow us to have her for at least 30 days and then ask her again if she wants to live with us or not. As of today in all the 8 years I have not spent more than 8 straight hours with her. How can she make a life changing decision without having some time with us?

If we are given that chance we hope to show her how much she is loved and how great it would be to live with us here in the US. If she agrees I will then have to live in Nicaragua for another 3 months. All together I could be stuck in Nicaragua for up to 4 to 5 months.

That is extremely hard to accept. To leave my kids for that long and to leave Terry is excruciating in my mind but I know that if this is God's plan for our life that He will make the time go quickly or even shorten it. He is in control not the DSS folks.

What happens if Karen says no, I am sure you are thinking that. I am expecting God to give us that closer in our heart and to know that its ok. He will give us the peace that we will need to get through it. Maybe doing this will force them to change the rules and change how they do things for other people who are put in this position in the future. Who knows...

So the Never Ending Journey is truly just beginning. I will need your help like no other.

This will be a costly endeavor. Living full time in Nicaragua during the time of our lives that we have no income until late August or early September. Even knowing this we know that God will supply. We know that He loves Karen more than we do and if this is His will or even if it is not He will honor our willingness to fight for his orphan and meet our needs.

What can you do? You can pray and pray consistently.

Once I have the fingerprints appointment I will know when I am leaving and then the test begins. I will want to give up many times and I will want to run home to Terry and stop trying. I will have it hard this I know but I am a strong girl as most of you know already and I am a very determined woman who walks by faith and not by sight. My flesh may get weak but you will be there praying for me so my spirit will be strong. That's what I need from each of you readying this.

Will you walk this journey with me? Will you agree to pray for me faithfully and stand in the gap for me when I am weak, IF I GET WEAK? I believe God has called us to do this. I believe the greatest commandment is to Love and what greater love can I show than to help one of His orphans. Knowing that His word promises me that I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me I rest in knowing He is in control and He will guide us down this path He has called us to walk.

So for now we wait, we wait on the appointment and we pray that it comes at the perfect time it needs to and that once I am in Nicaragua the doors open for me to meet with the Minister. I have already decided that if the Minister turns me down that I will go and see the First Lady of Nicaragua. I have also been given two people who know her well and can possibility get me an appointment with her. That's as high as I can go and we already know she hates Christians and she hates Americans so maybe she will be the reason I am fighting. Winning her to Christ by showing her my love for Karen could be the very way. Only God knows, right.

Start praying for us now, I'll update you again when I know more but for now we just wait and believe God together.

Thanks for being apart of our Journey. It's comforting to know there are people praying on my behalf.

God Bless and I look forward to updating you soon.

Angie

Never Ending Journey Part 2

Sometimes I wonder if anyone ever reads what I write. Yesterday I got a couple of responses fussing at me that I left everyone hanging.. Sorry but this is a very long story and I didn't want to take up your entire Memorial Day.. :) So I left you in the last email at the point of adopting the two girls. 2008 was a year of craziness. We had to go to Nicaragua 5 times that year because of the adoption process. 3 days before we were to be voted on by the counsel a man shows up at the DSS place (Mi Familia is it's name) and declares he is the father of the youngest girl. Father? How can he be the father when we have already been told the mother and father of the girls are on the run from the police because the dad molested the oldest daughter. Who is this man? How did he find out we were going to adopt? It was a nightmare. A roller coaster ride that I wanted off of immediately.

To make a long story shorter the man was in fact Isamar's dad. He is also the cousin of her sister Carmen. Apparently this man had an affair with their mother. His mother and the mother of Carmen's dad are sisters. Yea I know it's hard to keep up with. After a DNA test was done (which took a month to get the results back) he was declared Isamar's dad. He had known she was in the orphanage the entire time. How could you leave a child there for 5 years. He had no contact with her the entire time and now wanted to be dad yet we had known her and been the only parents to her for the past 3 years. It was a very stressful time.

Well on December 6th, Isamar's 10th birthday I got a call that almost broke my heart. The orphanage had closed and both my girls had been given to the dad. He was given a choice to take both of them or neither of them. In one day I lost all the girls I loved dearly and my two daughters. Needless to say it was a devastating day. Funny how God works. I had planned on being in Nicaragua on that very day but God closed the door and the trip got canceled. I guess God knew the pain would be too much for all of us.

So what now? I just could not understand how we had spend so much time, money, effort, prayers, every minute of my life for a year and a half and for what.

Terry and I prayed and prayed about what to do and we both did not feel it was over. We went back to Nicaragua in February and through lots of prayers felt led to ask for the third girl Karen. I could not believe I was about to go down this road again but I knew God had called us to do this so we both took another step of faith.

We asked to adopt Karen in February 2009. She had been moved to a foster home and it took me two months to find her.  We had been told so many lies in the past about the other two girls that we were not sure she was one that could be adopted out. We ask for an investigation of her and was promised they would. Months went by and nothing. December 09 came and I was there on a trip so I went to ask what the status was and again was told they will look into it. 11 months had already passed and nothing..

January comes, February, March, and so on and still nothing. We had decided that God must have other plans for us and my heart started to believe that this was over. Out of know where in August I got an email from the DSS that stated they needed to talk to me ASAP. I called my lawyer right away (who I had not talked to in a year already) and had her go there and talk to them. They informed her that they had approved us to adopt which was a huge step. Why? Why now and does this mean we can have Karen? No, that's not at all what that meant. That just meant that we had been approved by the government. That is a big step but doesn't get me to Karen, however, they also stated they had investigated her and did not like her living arrangements.

I am leaving out a lot of information to help you not have to read a book but in February when we found Karen we found out that the director of the orphanage had lied to the DSS and convinced them to place her in a "Specific" foster home. This home belonged to a woman named Ana. Who is Ana? Well when Karen was months old her mom abandoned her and a woman found her. Her name was Ubana. Ubana and Ana are best friends. Karen was taken from Ubana by the DSS when she was 4 and placed in the orphanage because Ubana was a drunk. She had applied to adopt Karen several times and DSS had denied her so she scammed up a way to get Karen close to her by lying and saying Ana was Karen's blood aunt. Yes I know this is one drama story.

So now it's December and we have heard nothing since August. They promised they would continue this investigation and nothing had happen. I went to see the Director of the DSS in December and complained that nothing had happen since Feb. 2009 and she agreed to go and see Karen the following week.

This is where the journey get's nuts.

In January the DSS folks informed us they had done an investigation on Karen, proved that Ana is not her family and declared she needs to be declared abandon.  All this took until February to get done but PRAISE GOD we are making progress. February came and passed, March came and still no word on what they were going to do.

I went to Nic in March and declared I was not leaving that country until I had some update on what was happening. An appointment with my lawyer and the director was made for March 25th. Finally I would get some answers.

That meeting was great. The Director told us everything about the case and what was going on and that they were declaring her abandon and even agreed that I needed to update my paperwork and be back in Nicaragua by June to foster her for 3 months and take her home. Finally, we would have out little girl who was now turning 12. (I met her when she was 4).  I remember I was speechless, all I could do was cry. The Director informed me that their policy was they must talk with Karen again and make sure that she can handle going before the judge. They are very tough with kids to make sure they really want to be adopted. No problem, she will be fine. She has told us over and over she wants to be adopted and we are her mom and dad. I left with a Maybe and not a Yes because I didn't want my heart to explode if something changed.

Smartest decision I have ever made.

One week later the Director and a doctor went to visit Karen in her school. No pressure, no audience, just her and the officials. During this conversation (which we were told very little about) Karen was asked if she wanted to move to the US and be adopted by us. The Director told my lawyer that in great confidence Karen stated that she loves us very much but that she loves Ubana also and doesn't want to leave Nicaragua. Karen is 11 years old. She had no idea that she was changing her future forever.

That week we were there in March I met Ubana. Her first words to me was Karen is mine. I need her. I need her to bring me water when I am thirsty, to wash my clothes, to rub my foot when it hurts. She is mine.

I told her I love Karen and I want her because she deserves a wonderful family and it is up to DSS to decide her future, not her.

Since that moment Karen has not been the same. Karen told us that she was told that if she leaves Nicaragua Ubana will die. She also told us that Ubana is sick and it would be wrong to leave her while she is sick. Tell me those are the words of an 11 year old girl. We know she is being manipulated into believing Ubana will die. So sad.. So sad that they want to make her a maid. Ana and her husband were asked if they wanted to adopt her and they both told DSS that they did. When ask why, they responded because we want to help Ubana. Not once did they say it was because they loved her.

So a week later we were told that they changed their minds and our adoption was over. Just like that... 4 years after we started and 3 girls later we are done.

I remember asking God, do you  enjoy breaking my heart.. Did I really miss you this much.. How could we have this desire so much and be so wrong?  It was a ruff 3 days once I heard this news. I questioned over and over again if I have ever heard from God or have I been making up my life for 45 years..

Needless to say we just didn't know what to think so I fasted for several days and prayed and prayed and prayed and asked God to clearly show us what was the meaning of this and much to our surprise we have consistently been told that this is not God's NO this is man's no and we need to fight until God says NO.

Fight how? do what? go where? there are so many questions I have had for God.

His answers to us in Part 3 of this Never Ending Journey.

Stay tuned for the next part.

Angie